Mental Health · Writing

“Saudade” Turns Three

Whoops! My brain goes a million miles an hour that it completely slipped my mind that my first published book, Saudade, turns three years old today.

Edit: It occurred to me I cannot math. I thought it was four years, but it’s been three since the book’s official publish date.

Feb. 11, 2018 | Saudade Launch Party #2

WOW. Three. Years. Old. It’s been that long already.

Saudade holds a special place in my heart. In essence, the book is about mental health – riding the scary and unpredictable rollercoaster of anxiety and depression. The truth behind the words was born from years and years of my experiences navigating through a dark place but eventually finding light in the end.

How did Saudade come to fruition?

The year prior, 2017, was one of the darkest periods of my life: realizing I couldn’t survive on my own in Los Angeles working a low-paying job with no career path, enduring the most painful and scarring breakup, handling massive waves of anxiety, dealing with consequences of bad decision after bad decision, ultimately making the heart-breaking decision to admit defeat and move back to Houston feeling like a failure, and all of this culminating into coping with alcohol.

But somehow in the Fall of 2017, I found solace in revisiting journals of long-lost memories, songwriting and poetry, and it sparked a flame. Then I managed to find motivation to get out of the house – instead of moping and drowning in depression – and parked my ass in a chair outside my favorite coffee shop in my parents’ neighborhood and started putting poems together, page by page.

After months of writing, re-writing, illustrating, editing and working on the publishing software, Saudade, came to life – and at the same time saving mine. Having this project to bring all my writing into one bound product gave me a sense of purpose and inspired so much hope and energy with a goal to work towards.

Looking back on the last few years since I left Los Angeles, I am incredibly grateful for so much, especially writing being a healthy escape and channel my feelings and life experiences. Fame and money aren’t the motivators to write or share my work – it’s the possibility of reaching people anywhere and my words resonating and making an impact on them; to have something to relate to and know they’re not alone.

Happy third birthday, Saudade


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