The next glass painting is done! This time around, my subject of inspiration was Draken from Tokyo Revengers, which is an anime that premiered a little bit ago and I kind of fell in love with it…! Draken is my favorite character, so naturally I had to dedicate some art to him.
I painted this on World Mental Health Day (10/10/21), and in honor of Depression Education and Awareness Month, I want to share what painting does for me. As I mentioned in my last painting post, I’m going through a rough time, and that rough time got worse in the last week. The short story is on top of everything else going on, I was enduring physical pain with a concerning health issue all last week, and I went to the ER on Friday afternoon and spent nearly eight hours there. Admittedly, I’m quite distraught with life right now, so painting has allowed me to escape the world for a few hours in creating something from nothing. It tames my intense emotions and lets them rest for a good chunk of time. I don’t claim to be a talented artist, but what I appreciate about art is how much it gets you to focus and pay attention to details. Before you know it, as you put Demon Slayer on in the background to rewatch it before the next season comes out, four hours go by! All of this to say that painting, and art, has helped me find a place of solace amidst life’s turbulence, and I am grateful it’s helped me in my struggles.
Whoops! My brain goes a million miles an hour that it completely slipped my mind that my first published book, Saudade, turns three years old today.
Edit: It occurred to me I cannot math. I thought it was four years, but it’s been three since the book’s official publish date.
WOW. Three. Years. Old. It’s been that long already.
Saudade holds a special place in my heart. In essence, the book is about mental health – riding the scary and unpredictable rollercoaster of anxiety and depression. The truth behind the words was born from years and years of my experiences navigating through a dark place but eventually finding light in the end.
A week has passed since the beginning of a new year, but it didn’t truly feel new until today, this week. From January 1st – January 7th, it was almost like a reset and recharge week for me—I have been sick since before Christmas and I was finally starting to feel 110% better after New Year’s Day. At that, I snuck in all my vices—fast food, alcohol, carbs, you name it—before I officially went back to my strict diet and workout regimens.
As it is, I try to set daily/weekly/monthly goals for myself throughout the year, but that doesn’t exclude making the usual new year resolutions. Every day we change even if it’s the tiniest, most subtle thing. We are always progressing.
A year ago I was on a trip with my best friend in Big Bear, CA, the most lovely and beautiful place ever, and I had my first panic attack. Something triggered me during dinner, and for the next hour and a half to two hours, I could not slow down my heart rate despite exercising calming techniques. In the past I would have brushed it off and refuse to see a doctor, but this was one of the few times I listened to my body telling me something. I was actually scared.
Reflecting on this past year, it has been pretty rough, especially after talking with doctors and my therapist, learning about my severe anxiety and panic disorder, and ultimately trying to learn to live with it. I was prescribed with a daily medication for the first part of this year, and it helped. However, it’s a double-edged sword for me because I’m glad that I found something that mellowed me out—and there are days where I wish I still had them—but at the same time, I don’t want to be dependent on them. This debate in my mind toward the medication flip flops daily.