Happy New Year, y’all! I hope everyone’s holiday celebrations were great and 2022 is treating y’all well so far! I fell off the face of the earth last quarter and let a lot of posts sit in my brain rather than put to web paper… sorry about that!
For the last two weeks leading up to the new year, I was ill (thankfully not COVID-19 though!) and feeling miserable to the point where I was bed ridden for a few days. It’s a shame I couldn’t enjoy time off being well and healthy, but being alone for an extended period of time gets my mind racing about the things I wish I had done and accomplished, things I wish I hadn’t let fall to the wayside. Don’t get me wrong – I’m truly grateful for everything I have but something is just missing within me and I can never figure it out despite my efforts. And it’s a pattern where I start something strong and motivated but then it dissipates just as quickly and it’s hard to get back on the horse again. It’s an everyday effort to get myself to stay in a habit to be consistent – with anything honestly.
And that’s what I want 2022 to be about – re-establishing and maintaining consistent good, positive habits that serve me and only me. It’s not necessarily a resolution because those have a negative connotation of being short-lived, so it’s going to be a long-term commitment. In that commitment, I’m taking a step back, amidst the conveniently timed Omicron spike rates, to be alone. I did a lot of reflecting about the last year or two and how I haven’t been happy with myself. I was too busy running away from me and trying to be someone else, fit the mold and perform for others – friends, relationships and even family. I am myself to a certain extent but have always felt I had to be what everyone wanted of me and expected of me, so now I want to re-discover myself and become the person I want to be.
There are a lot of things I want to accomplish this year, and I’m holding myself accountable by keeping it all organized in a digital planner/organizer I made last month. It’s nothing fancy but a Google Drive Excel spreadsheet with different sections and whatnot. It went through a few drafts of designs, but I’m finally satisfied with it.
What are my commitments exactly?
- I need to get financially stable again and get my finances in order. The amount of medical bills I accumulated the entire year with several episodes stacked up and put me in a tight spot with my bank account. I’ve been having war flashbacks to my lowest of low living in Los Angeles.
- This year I’m going to start seeing a psychologist because therapy wasn’t quite fulfilling what I need. The therapist I found and had sessions with was great, but I think I need something more elevated to truly understand the deep-rooted issues I have and how I can find the best ways to overcome them.
- I want to publish my next book of poetry. Originally, before I started working full-time, I wanted to publish this one in 2019, and look what happened. Got distracted and too busy to even sit down to write and put it together. Over the course of the last half of the year, I finally got it started again, and I intend to see it through. Publish date goal is TBD.
- So, this ties back to my finances again, but I went a little crazy planning and executing a new project for myself — re-organizing my apartment. Admittedly, I spent a lot of time online AND at The Container Store finding better ways to set up my apartment. The first place I’ve tackled is my kitchen and I feel it’s better spaced and has more breathing room. That euphoria of organization is like a drug to me, so you best believe I’m ready to tackle the rest of my place.
- And of course, staying on the healthy diet/fitness/lifestyle train is here. It’s the only thing I’m semi-consistent and do well in maintaining, and I don’t want that to falter or waiver. To kick off the year and develop the habit again, I’m participating in Cassey Ho’s (blogilates) two-week #GlowupSessions challenge! She released a detailed PDF with a meal plan and workout schedule, as well as thought-provoking mental/emotional check pages so you can track your mind alongside your body. Day 1 was today and it was a challenge! But I got through it and hopefully this small accomplishments sets the tone for the rest of the year. Once the challenge is done, I’m planning to write up a blog post about the experience and what I learned about myself.
2022 is in getting into the swing of things, and I’m anxious, nervous, excited all at the time to see where the year takes us! I guess I should have put this above in the list, but a lifelong goal I have is to tear down this belief that I have to be PERFECT. Perfect in life, perfect for other people, and just be a perfect person. Unlearning perfectionism and the obsession to be perfect is truly the hardest challenge to tackle, but I’m gonna do my best!
Now that I’ve blabbed and talked about myself enough, let me know what your new goals and commitments you have! Whatever they are, I believe you can do it and achieve them! 🙂