Mixed Bag of Thoughts

We’re at the Half – How are Things Going?

The year is halfway through… how in the world did we get here? Didn’t it just turn 2019? By this time, most people who made those New Year’s resolutions have given up and reverted back to their former ways. How are y’all doing with yours?

So much happened in the last six months I don’t know where to start… instead of writing a novel you guys probably don’t want to read, I’ll do a quick highlight reel and a snippet of what’s been on my mind lately.

Surprisingly, the start of the year was great. The firm I’m currently at graciously promoted me – title and raise – before I even hit the year mark, which I also accomplished in April. All I ever want to do in my life is make an impact on others, and it was humbling to know that the firm recognizes my efforts and reaffirming I’m doing something right. I’m extremely happy that I’ve made my mark with this company, that I used my creativity and skills to bring something new and exciting to the table and call it my own.

halftime_chandler dancing_070519

Looking back on what I wanted to accomplish in 2019, the biggest accomplishment thus far is finding and moving into my new apartment! I made it a personal goal to have that done by the end of first quarter, and on the literal last day in that time frame, I went to five apartment appointments then put down a deposit on one. Gradually – slowly but surely – I’ve been moving into it, but I honestly don’t feel fully lived in it yet.

For the couple of months I’ve been at my apartment, it’s been adjustment. This is the first time I’m living on my own without family or roommates. Honestly? It’s admittedly a little lonely, but the flipside of that is I have sole responsibility of my dwelling and don’t have to answer to anyone, deal with any drama and I answer only to my schedule. And since I moved closer to where I work, those long hour-plus commutes each way are long gone. It is so nice to have those two extra hours to myself, which I’ve filled the gap with workout regimen.

With all this time to myself, it’s really put my life into perspective and I’m constantly thinking about the future. I’m in a place in my life where I’m wondering what the next step is for me and what the plan of how I’m going to get there will be. Right now… I’m feeling lost – that I’m behind on where I need/should be. I recently turned 28 years old, which is two years from 30. In my mind, by now I’d be further along in my career, doing something I love and living financially stable and even settling down. This is not to say I’m unhappy where I am, but I do believe I’m behind in the game of life.

This feeling was further enhanced by a breakup I recently had with someone who revived the possibility for me to fall in love again, changed my outlook on life and for the first time in my life think about marriage and starting a family. But due to unfortunate circumstances, it had to end. Layer that with seeing friends getting married and having kids, and my sister moving in with her boyfriend on the path to a life of commitment. I can’t help but feel like I’m falling behind, and I don’t know how to catch up.

Every day and every night I toss and turn thinking about all of this, and I always land on this conclusion: it’s all continuing signs of me needing to focus on myself. That’s probably the millionth time I’ve said that in the last few years, and I’m trying my best to stay committed to it. There are so many things I wanna do and accomplish, and I guess that’s why God is keeping me “behind” so I can do all these things.

halftime_colbert best life_070519

The first half of 2019 had its ups and downs, but I’m excited to see how the rest of the year goes. No matter how the last six months have been for you, I hope it’s been a great and continued learning experience. Even when bad things happen, we can still say we’re lucky to wake up each day and in good health. There are more days ahead to make our own. Live them to the fullest.

Halftime is a great time to see what’s been done well thus far and make a game plan for the second half – are we gonna lose or are we gonna win?

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