Hiatus from Twitch Again

For those of you who care enough to read this personal post, I appreciate your time. It’s only been about two months since I returned to Twitch, and I had high hopes for it to be a great thing, but unfortunately it hasn’t. And with that said, err written, I’m hanging up my streaming hat (again). History has repeated itself where I’m constantly working around the clock from sunrise to dawn, and in result, am not getting ample sleep, which has led to exhaustion. For the past few weeks, I have been doing a lot of crying behind the scenes and putting on a facade on screen that I’m great. In that time, I’ve been thinking heavily on figuring out the best plan of action to move forward, and here we are.

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This anxious, sad feeling has been eating at me since I decided to start streaming again, and I can’t hide it anymore. Where do I start? Two months seems like a short amount of time and doesn’t seem like a big deal, but there are larger, deep-rooted feelings at play here that made this decision both difficult and easy at the same time.

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Accomplishments

My first book being published is right around the corner. My. First. Book. Published. Something that I created with my own two hands is going to be officially bound together and put out there for the world to see. Never in my life did I ever imagine publishing anything this way, let alone my poetry writing.

But you wanna know what’s sad?

As I held the first proof copy of my book, the first thought was, “Wow! I’m actually holding this in my hand right now!” And the instant next thought was,

“Man. This isn’t enough.”

Why that second thought popped into my head is beyond me. I know, I want, I need to feel happy, excited, jovial, to the moon, about this, but an itty bitty voice in my head pokes me and says,

“You’re still not good enough, Siri.”

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